National PACIFIST Rifle Association
I am interviewing Mr. Mike Morrell, President of the National Pacifist Rifle Association. Mr. Morrell, amongst other things, is also the webmaster of "ZoeCarnate.Com", the earth's mightiest Christian alternative site (whatever that means) I have asked Mr. Morrell if he would be willing to do an interview on a subject of increasing controversy here on "MikeNoakes.Com", that is, gun ownership and pacifism. Graciously, he has agreed to the interview on one simple condition: I do not publish his residential address. And I will not. So, let us begin out interview for mutual education and edification.
Me: Thank you for joining us, Mike. Now, is it true that you find it consistent to be both a pacifist, that is, a practitioner of the Jesus way, as well as own an air rifle?
Mike: Absolutely! Jesus and air rifles go together like peanut butter and pork bellies...as my mother used to say.
Me: Interesting… so what you're saying is that there really is nothing inconsistent in owning a firearm as long as you are not harming a human being, correct?
Mike: I actually fire my air rifle immediately before beginning my daily session of centering prayer...immediately after my selection of lectio divina. Psalm 137 has been providing much fodder lately, for a very rich time with the Lord.
Me: What about those who maintain that gun ownership is a sign of a violent culture that gives little care to the dignity of human life, friend or foe?
Mike: Friends and foes are but two sides of the same coin; we have friend and foe within as well as without. Safe firearm practices allow us to "Kill 'em all, and let God sort 'em out." Metaphorically, of course.
Me: There is still the argument that "weapons" of any sort are not to be held by those who claim the peaceable way of Jesus. How do we, as gun owners, show that we are both committed to our way of peace as well as committed to safe firearm practices?
Mike: Are you saying that you don't believe in spiritual warfare? Look, I learned to use an air rifle during a "Silencing the enemy" bootcamp back in '99. It was a large charismatic church, interpreting Sun-Tzu's The Art of War according to 2 Corinthians 10:4. We were brandishing our weapons all over the sanctuary! Every Christian should try it.
Me: Well, that certainly is a great idea. Now, if only it were more prevalent in the Christian community. Do you think that if this were actually practiced, organizations such as the NRA would dis-band and join your group?
Mike: Listen, you know how Larry Norman asked Why does the Devil get all the good music? What I want to ask is, Why does the Devil have all the good firearms? It's because the children of God--the King's Kids--have not claimed their weapons in Jesus' name. The only reason the NRA and those other secular organizations even exist is because the Church hasn't showed 'em how to do it under the anointing. Let me put it to you this way: When guns are baptized, only Christians will have guns!
Me: Fantastic. Well, it certainly has been on honor to conduct this interview, good sir. Thank you very much.
Mike: You're quite welcome. Now if you'll excuse me, I must get going. I have a 2:00 lecture with the Lutheran Sisterhood Gun Club.
Labels: non-violence, pacifism, silly
posted by -mike- at 12:42 AM
3 Comments:
Well, I suppose it does say "have dominion". And if there is one thing that Caesar has taught us... :-D
I suppose the lesson is that Pentecostals love guns?
Mind you, I'd have to work really hard to see a conflict between pacifism and owning an air rifle.
P.S. Tomorrow is Kitty Day.
I have dominion. All sorts of dominion...
And yes, we Pentecostals love our damn guns!!
(It was a joke, Kyle... :P)
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